Arguements in Marriages

 The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Who Does What

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.......... "HEBREWS"

Marriage Postulates

* To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. - To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all

* Married men live longer than single men, - but married men are a lot more willing to go.

* Any married man should forget his mistakes, - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

* A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. - A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

* A woman has the last word in any argument. - Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

* There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

Symptoms of Love

 

Love is a universal migraine,

A bright stain on the vision

Blotting out reason.

Symptoms of true love

Are leanness, jealousy,

Laggered dawns;

Are omens and nightmares

Listening for a knock;

Waiting for signs:

For a touch of his fingers

In a darkened room,

For a searching look.

Take courage, lover!

Could you endure such grief

At any hand but his?

A Dream of Horses

We were born grooms, in stable-straw we sleep still,

All our wealth horse-dung and the combings of horses,

And all we can talk about is what horses ail.

Out of the night that gulfed beyond the palace-gate

There shook hooves and hooves and hooves of horses:

Our horses battered their stalls; their eyes jerked white.

And we ran out, mice in our pockets and straw in our hair,

Into darkness that was avalanching to horses

And a quake of hooves. Our lantern’s little orange flare

Made a round mask of our each sleep-dazed face,

Bodiless, or else bodied by horses

That whinnied and bit and cannoned the world from its place.

The tall palace was so white, the moon was so round,

Everything else this plunging of horses

To the rim of our eyes that strove for the shapes of the sound.

We crouched at our lantern, our bodies drank the din,

And we longed for a death trampled by such horses

As every grain of the earth had hooves and mane.

We must have fallen like drunkards into a dream

Of listening, lulled by the thunder of the horses.

We awoke stiff; broad day had come.

Out through the gate unprinted desert stretched

To stone and scorpion; our stable-horses

Lay in their straw, in a hag-sweat, listless and wretched.

Now let us, tied, be quartered by these poor horses,

If but doomsday’s flames be great horses,

The forever itself a circling of the hooves of horses.

 Writer: Ted Hughes