SCHOOLGIRL

 Home work, home work,

Every night there's home work,

While Elsie practises the gas goes pop,

I wish, I wish she'd stop,

Oh dear, oh dear,

You can't go out again, you must stay home,

You waste your money on that common Picturedrome,

Don't shirk - stay here and do your work.

Yearning, yearning,

How my heart is burning.

I'll see him Saturday in Strong Man's Pain

And then on Monday and on Friday week again.

To me he is the sole man

Who can kiss as well as Colman,

I could faint whenever there's a close-up of his lips,

Though John Barrymore is larger

When my hero's on his charger

Even Douglas Fairbanks Junior hasn't smaller hips.

If only he could know

That I adore him so.

Mad about the boy,

It's simply scrumptious to be mad about the boy,

I know that quite sincerely 

Housman really

Wrote The Shropshire Lad about the boy.

In my English Prose

I've done a tracing of his forehead and his nose

And there is, honour bright,

A certain slight

Effect of Galahad about the boy.

I've talked to Rosie Hooper,

She feels the same as me,

She says that Gary Cooper

Doesn't thrill her to the same degree.

In Can Love Destroy?

When he meets Garbo in a suit of corduroy,

He gives a little frown

And knocks her down.

Oh dear, oh dear, I'm mad about the boy.